Do what you can

Thank you for feedback on the emotional and sad post about the beautiful women we have recently lost in our Austin community.  I know commenting on this blog is darn tough, and I will address that in a post soon.  But I did want to immediately reply to some of the comments I received.

I heard that hearing such sad stories makes people feel awful and also helpless.  I can't really change the awful part of it because it is the harsh reality, but I can certainly suggest things to do.

As you have heard me say before, donations to the right organizations are very meaningful.  In my opinion, the areas on which to focus are two-fold: research and immediate support.  I say cut out a lot of the awareness at this point, or perhaps turn awareness campaigns to other cancer efforts that desire the publicity.
   
Research is of utmost importance if we want to halt the passing of women from breast cancer.  Specifically, research surrounding metastatic breast cancer.  Metastatic BC (or stage 4) is the type of BC that kills.  I will suggest two national organizations here.  First is Metavivor, the first organization to raise funds solely for stage 4 research and support.  Metavivor is run by volunteers, many of whom have metastatic BC, and generally donates 100% of donations to funding research for stage 4 BC.  Another good organization funding research is Breast Cancer Research Foundation.  A respectable 88% of donations are channeled to breast cancer research.

If research is the marathon portion of where funds need to go, then support for BC patients and their families is the sprint.  People facing a diagnosis with confusion and uncertainty, overwhelmed by treatment options and effects and/or reeling from how cancer has changed their lives need help.  This is where I would suggest local investigation.  I am not aware of a national support organization to which I would feel comfortable directing people at this time.  In Austin, I have two groups that are very near and dear to my heart.  Breast Cancer Resource Center does amazing work helping men and women going through treatment by assigning them a patient navigator and connecting them with other people who are going through or have been through the same thing.  For children of parents with a terminal illness or disease, we are very fortunate to have Wonders & Worries, an organization that helped our children tremendously during my treatment.  W&W provides age-appropriate support  groups and counseling for children ages 5-18.

On top of monetary donations, donating time and services is also very helpful.  Find local groups and reach out to them to see how you can help.  Perhaps there's a fundraising event where volunteer service is needed. Maybe craft supplies would be helpful to some auxiliary organizations.  You never know and it never hurts to ask.

Finally, and this might sound a bit silly and and obvious, but reach out to any friends or family members facing a cancer diagnosis and treatment.  Often people don't know what to say or are frightened to "bother" people during this time, but I can tell you from experience a call or email is very appreciated.  Rather than avoiding a friend or neighbor, err on the side of caution and don't say insensitive things.  Especially avoid stories of someone you know who had BC and is thriving/had a horrible time with treatment/died (happens all.the.time.).  Avoid saying "I know exactly how you feel because I had a weird mammogram and had to have a biopsy; it was so scary until it came back negative!" (Also happens often)  Avoid telling the person that if they only ate kale/drank apple cider vinegar/took cur cumin, they would be cured (chances are they've heard or read about it anyway and unless you are a professional scientific researcher and feel that results of a clinical study you are working on might hold the cure, then please refrain). Avoid saying "Call me if you need anything!"  (This is meant to be helpful but it is so much better if you can specifically offer something, or text before going to Costco/Target/grocery and ask if they need anything)

What you can say: I am really sorry.
I don't know what to say.
I wish I could help somehow.
I am going to the grocery store tomorrow, do you need anything?
Are you craving any particular food that I could have delivered for you?
If you feel like watching a silly movie, I would love to have you over or come to you.
Can I take your dry cleaning in?
Would your kids like to come over for a playdate this weekend while you take a long nap?
Do you want anyone to sit with you during chemo?
Can I drive you to radiation this week?
If you need to list someone as an emergency contact, I am happy to be that person.


I think you get the idea. Show up, ask specifically how you can help (both person-to-person or with an organization) and investigate ways to help those around you.  It will be appreciated and it will make a difference.